Have you ever been blindsided by things not going your way? Doing everything in alignment with your values, in flow with it all, flying high and fast - into a brick wall? That happened to me when I ran for a seat on the board of Zebras Unite.
There were two of us competing.

The vote was decisive. It wasn’t even close. I had no idea how emotionally crushing the defeat would be. Rather than shrugging it off (“huh, this sucks”) and moving on, shortly after receiving the news I was walking my dogs on the train tracks, sad music blasting in my earbuds, my face wet, crying out loud.

As an entrepreneur, challenges and obstacles often present to you as opportunities. After all, you are encouraged to fail fast, fail often, fail forward. But not all failures are of that upbeat, on-trend type. Some demand to be embraced and fully experienced.

And so, I decided to show up to the Zebra member meeting a couple of hours later with my heartbreak and defeat. Experiencing your full grief is scary, even more so in a professional setting. While it might appear as weakness, honoring your pain is powerful.

Most of the Zebras Unite members have had their fill with the election assemblies of the previous day. So it was me and one more member. One of the things I value most about the Zebras Unite community: not only is it ok to show up in this professional environment as a full human - it is the point. My fellow Zebra did not try to lighten up the mood. Instead, she held space for how much it sucked for me at the moment.

We talked about pain as an integral part of the entrepreneurial journey, a piece of ourselves to engage and embrace, and oftentimes a marker of growth. She shared her painful experience of being voted off a co-op she founded. We recognized how making space for grief is a defining aspect of our community, one that is worth explicitly naming.

And so, this fall in Washington DC, at the Zebra conference DazzleCon, I offered fellow attendees the experience I got to have after my defeat. I led a Founders’ Grief Circle to hold space for these real and significant feelings we often rush past as entrepreneurs. In spite of the dark title, my session filled up.

One of the ground rules for the circle was around confidentiality: stories stay, lessons leave. So, I am not going to share the details of the experience.
But here are some things I learned:

• Founders do not get enough opportunities to share and process pain
• We are often expected to project certainty and success
• It does not feel right to burden your employees with your struggles
• There is a limit to how much of your business challenges your friends or significant other can contain

This is why sharing a moment to acknowledge that it is, in fact, normal not to have it together, that experiencing darkness and doubt is to be expected, was oddly validating and empowering. Participants responded with deep gratitude. Several told me it was the most significant experience they had the whole weekend.
Which is why I am doing it again.

Bringing our full selves to work is like shifting from a simple black-and-white image to an immersive experience in 3D and color. It is a fuller experience, allowing for deeper presence and engagement, purpose and pride, safety and connection.

The resulting coherence and focus unlock unrivaled innovation, momentum, and prosperity. Oh yeah, also fulfillment and joy - for what it’s worth.

In what ways is your business reality a rich and full experience? What makes it so? Where else can you add color and depth?

Reply with your thoughts. I read and respond to every email.
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​Image: Marc Liu

Ethics.Coach helps purpose-driven leaders move the needle on how we do business,
by building clarity, confidence, community, and cash for establishing viable alternatives
to business as usual.